What most of you don't know is that he wasn't my first farmer. A very long time ago I gave my heart to another farmer... I called him Poppy.
He was not my grandfather, there was no blood relation to me, but yet he always loved me (and my siblings and cousins) as if we were his very own. He married my grandma several years before I was even born, so he is all that I have ever known.
People tease that I was his favorite, and while it always makes me smile on the inside (and outside) that was not true. BUT - we did have a bond that you couldn't deny. Probably because we spent so much time at their house when we were kids. They had a swimming pool and lived in the country, plus just like a typical grandparents house - we pretty much got to do whatever we wanted.
He taught me how to drive. I used my left foot for the break and my right foot for the gas, so I know I had to scare the heck out of him (But in my defense - I was probably only 12 years old). Late at night after my grandma would go to bed, Poppy and I would always stay up late and watch The Cosby Show. He would pop popcorn and cut up apples - that was our late night snack. And to make us chocolate milk he always used coco powder... YUCK... It had no taste at all, and I can still remember to this day him saying "Kids, that's what it's supposed to look like - you don't need all of that sugar." He was a hand holder, he loved his farm and his land just like my farmer. I remember tractor rides, going with him to feed his cattle, and jumping on hay bales back behind the house. He was a farmer, my very first farmer...
It's been a month today since we lost him. 31 days without him and 31 days trying to figure out how we all go on. He didn't live on his farm anymore. Him and my grandma moved to town (right across the street from my mom and dad and one block away from where I work) so I saw him a lot more in the past couple of months. I will forever be grateful for that.
I have been trying to write this post for a month now... I'll write some stuff... stop... go back later.... erase it... I did that every four or five days. I just couldn't get out what I wanted to say. I started this blog for many reasons, but always my main priority to use this blog as documentation for me and my family. It MAKES me take pictures, it MAKES me write my feelings out. I will always be able to look back on this part of my life...
You are going to lose people in your life and realize that no matter how much time you spent with them or how much you appreciated them and told them so, it will never seem like it was enough.
That's how I have felt these past 31 days. Hoping he knew how much he meant to me. Hoping it was enough for him. Hoping that he holds the same memories very close to his heart.
Rest in Peace Poppy... I'll see you someday I know, but until then - I'll be missing you.
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